Painting Life. One Color At A Time

One minute I was living life with the "normal" list of silly inconveniences. Over slept, car broke down, my order was wrong at the fast food drive through.... Although, I've always lived life shrugging those things off with a "eghhh, it could be worse" mindset, nothing would compare to the ongoing tornado that turned out lives upside down. The next minute, I would hear "Your son will die". Within literally the seconds it took for those words to be said, It. Got. Worse.

I would've taken a million of those silly inconveniences over those words. My heart, my hopes, and my dreams were shattered into. My screams haunted those hospital hallways. The next few months were filled with numbness.

When you beg for your baby boy to die before he comes into this world, for then he wouldn't have to suffer. That is feeling like no other. An abnormal and haunting prayer for any mother to have... Knowing his one and only way to live and breathe was me, was terrifying. There was no fairness... How could our boy, our Ezra, have been dealt those cards?

Ezra was growing, he seemed to be thriving, and with that, I had hope. Those days I would battle with a back and forth of "he will survive, he will be a fighter, we will show the world"... Then back to the reality of those horrific words of "your son will die"

5 months of living our lives on eggshells not knowing what will happen day by day, we receive a phone call. My father n law had passed away. It kept getting worse. Trying to hold and comfort my husband all while he was doing the same for me. I remember him sitting at the table, me running my hand down his back, the feeling of him trimble as the tears fell from his eyes. There was a feeling of helplessness. A hurt for him that he tried to hold back because of the strength he was showing for me. We were shattered.